i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
do nipples grow back?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
