I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
