You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
