You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
