Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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