guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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