if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
