never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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