i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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