I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
