she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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