keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
