no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
is wine microwaveable?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
