she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
