somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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