Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
