If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
