Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
