Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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