I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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