Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
