And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You were trust falling into bushes
I love you. Go after that dick
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
