remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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