Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
