I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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