New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
