She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
