im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
