dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
