Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
