bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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