I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
