She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
