fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
