our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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