Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
