he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
