3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
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I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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