fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
