The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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