Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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