the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
