I could have mohawked her pubes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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