I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
