The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
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Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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