I heard we made out
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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