Where is the hickey?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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