I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
