so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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