Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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