Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sober January is a disaster.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
