??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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