didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
