Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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