I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
