I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We are two peas in an std pod
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
