this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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