I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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