Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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