guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
where are my eyebrows?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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