We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
