I love black thongs
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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