I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
