I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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