i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
