Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize