ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
