he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
