I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
