I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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