Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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