new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
