Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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