so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
