True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this just has baby written all over it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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