So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
