i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How drunk are you?
Completed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
