Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
