I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
