Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So much Jack, so little girl.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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