I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
