oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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