Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
